Dragonball Z: The Retarded Legacy of Goku
by Mega Mario
Summary: What if Akira Toriyama was simultaneously drunk and high when he made the Andriod Saga? This is a parody based primarily on Dragonball Z: The Legacy of Goku II, a video game on the Game Boy Advance. If you read this, please review!


_**A.N.: I DON'T OWN DBZ!**_

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_**DRAGON BALL Z... Except Not**_

_**CHAPTER 1: Feels Like I'm In a Video Game**_

_Sixteen years from the present day..._

_Two Androids with strength beyond comprehension appeared out of nowhere..._

_One by one, the heroes of Earth were destroyed. It is the beginning of a new era on Earth..._

_... an era of darkness!_

**Two shadowed figures are seen walking away from a burning grocery store.**

_Trunks and Gohan are the last surviving descendants of a powerful alien race of warriors called Saiyans._

_They may be the last hope for Earth!_

_But frankly, these guys can't even tie their own shoes._

_So we're pretty much screwed._

Outside Pepper Town

TRUNKS: "This isn't fair. Gohan, why is the narrator insulting us?"

GOHAN: "You're pitiful, Trunks. You've let the narrator get on your nerves so much, you've forgotten about the androids!"

TRUNKS: "Sorry. It won't happen again."

GOHAN: "That's enough for now. Let's do some more basic training. Use your melee attack to destroy that boulder ahead."

**Trunks and Gohan walk over to a rock.**

GOHAN: "To use your melee attack, press the A button."

TRUNKS: "A button? Gohan, are you on something?"

GOHAN: "... Just break the rock."

**Trunks punches the rock and breaks it.**

GOHAN: "Good. Now use your energy attack to destroy that other rock. To use your energy attack, press the B button."

TRUNKS: "I'm not even going to ask this time."

**Trunks shoots a ki blast at the rock and destroys it.**

GOHAN: "Good. Now, as a Saiyan, you are most powerful in Super Saiyan form. To activate it, channel your ki into your muscles to turn your hair spiky and golden!"

**Trunks tries to turn Super Saiyan, but it doesn't work.**

TRUNKS: "It didn't work!"

GOHAN: "Channel your anger too! You have to realise the Androids will destroy all the food in the world!"

**Trunks tries again. It still doesn't work.**

TRUNKS: gets mad "WHY WON'T IT WORK?!"

GOHAN: "You probably just need a better motivation. But if food doesn't get you motivated, I don't know what will."

**The ground suddenly shakes.**

GOHAN: "It's the Andriods!"

TRUNKS: "How do you know that?"

GOHAN: "What other explanation is there?"

TRUNKS: "Let's go get them before they destroy the grocery store!"

GOHAN: kicks Trunks in the Dragonballs "You stay here!"

TRUNKS: passes out

**When Trunks wakes up, Gohan is gone, it's raining, and there's a wierd symbol on the ground.**

_This is a flight circle. It lets you fly to new areas. To use it, stand on it and press the A button._

TRUNKS: "Just what are Gohan and the narrator on?" flies off

Pepper Town

**The town is in ruins. Trunks wanders around and finds Gohan being assulted by ki blasts. Also, he's just standing there, not even trying to dodge them.**

GOHAN: dies

TRUNKS: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-- breathe --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" turns Super Saiyan

_Present Day Earth. I don't remember what I'm supposed to say next. Something about Goku, I think._

Goku's Home

GOHAN: "Mom, is dad going to be home soon? He did beat Frieza, right?"

CHI-CHI: "Yes, Gohan. He'll be back eventually. Now do your homework."

GOHAN: "But, mom, I want to be a martial artist!"

CHI-CHI: "NO SON OF MINE WILL BE A IDIOT WHO ONLY KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT! NOW FIND YOUR MATHBOOK!"

GOHAN: "Fine."

**Gohan goes upstairs and sees his mathbook on a table.**

_Use the A button to pick up and interact with objects you find._

GOHAN: "I think the narrator is on something."

**Gohan goes back to his room and sits at his desk. He opens his mathbook and promptly falls asleep.**

GOHAN: wakes up "Huh. The window's open. I'm gonna go out and play!"

**Gohan tries to fly out the window, but he falls out instead and hits the ground, face-first.**

GOHAN: "Oh God, the pain!"

East District 439

**After recovering from his fall, Gohan goes to the front door of his house.**

GOHAN: "That's wierd. It's locked." knocks "Mom! I fell out the window again!" waits "She's not answering. Darn it! I need a bandage!"

**Gohan shoots a ki blast in fustration. It destroys a nearby rock. A piece of meat falls out.**

GOHAN: "... Why was there a piece of meat inside a rock? Oh well." eats it

**The meat heals Gohan when he eats it.**

GOHAN: "I remember dad telling me once that eating a lot of meat was good for you, but I didn't think this is what he meant!"

**Gohan wanders around and finds a capsule.**

GOHAN: "I wonder who dropped this here." picks it up

_You found a 1 Power Capsule! Capsules will permanatly boost the stats of the character you are curently playing when you use them._

GOHAN: "... Yep. He's definately on something. But if what he just said is true, I think I'll hang onto this for now. I'll use it later."

**Gohan goes back to his house and sees a giant Capsule Corp. logo on the ground.**

_This is a save point. If you die or turn off the game, you can continue from here._

GOHAN: "... 'k." saves

_What? No comment about me being on something?_

GOHAN: "No. That joke's getting old."

**Gohan continues walking around aimlessly when he finds a wooden wall with a big floating '1' on it.**

_This is a level gate. You can break it down, but you have to be the level of the floating number or higher. Also you need a certain character._

**Gohan breaks it down and keeps going. He immediately sees another level gate. This one has a big floating '2' on it.**

_Gohan needs to be level 2 to break the gate._

GOHAN: "Crud. Guess I'll just go the only other way possible."

GOKU: appears out of nowhere "Oh, hi Gohan!"

GOHAN: "DAD! YOU'RE FINALLY HOME!"

GOKU: "Yep."

GOHAN: "So, did you beat Frieza?"

GOKU: "..."

GOHAN: "Well?"

**Goku pulls down a zipper on his neck, revealing that he is really Frieza.**

GOHAN: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

FRIEZA: "Y3S! I PWNED UR D4D! H3 W4S A N00B! N0TH1NG BUT A N00B!"

GOHAN: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

**Gohan catches Frieza off guard with a barrage of ki blasts. He then pummels him to death.**

FRIEZA: "OMG! J00 HAX!" explodes

_Gohan has achieved level 2!_

GOHAN: "Whoa! I beat Frieza! I BEAT FRIEZA!"

**Gohan suddenly wakes up, hits his head on his desk, and falls out of his chair.**

GOHAN: "Oh God, the pain!"

_**END OF CHAPTER**_

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_**A.N.: SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK? PLEASE REVIEW! I'LL CONTINUE THIS IF ANYONE LIKES IT.**_


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